bestesthomestucktheories:

RABIES AND FUNNELMEN, BAYS AND QURLZ, ANOTHER STUNNING REVELATION FROM UNDISPUTED MASTER OF HOBEFUCK THEERIES IS READY FROM AMAZING ENIGMA-UNRAVELING MIND FOR SUBMISSION TO READER EYE EARS. THOUGHEVER, THIS THEERY CALL TO QUEERY THE AUTHOR OF HOBEFUCK, ANDREW HORSE WHOMSELF. HAS NOT IT STRANGE OF HIS MANIC OBSESSION WITH EQUINE CREATURE? REPORTS SAY HE REMOVE CONTACT FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR MANY A MONTHS TO ROLL AROUND IN PICTURES OF HORSE. (AND SOMETIMES FECES, BUT HE NOT SAY TO TELL YOU THIS.)

HE ONCE USE TWEETBLR TO POST PICDEO.

SOUND LIKE JOKE, BUT HE MAY BE TELL TRUTH! MAYHAPS ANDREW HORSE………IS HORSE?!?!

HE HAS HONED DRAWRING, STORYTELLING, HUMERUS TALENT FOR YEARS TO WEAVE BLANKET OF DECEPTION OVER WE, SO AS HE MAY SWINDLE A MERE TWILLION DOLLARS FROM UNDER OUR VERY NOSES.

BEHOLD KEYPAD:

AS CAN PLAINLY BE SEEIFIED, 4=H. A 4 IS PRESENT IN FINAL TOTAL. HORSE BEGIN WITH H!!! NOT CONSIDER THIS AS COINCIDENCE. NOT EVEN FOR MOMENT. YOU LEARN NOT DO THIS WHEN YOU GREAT THEERIZER SUCH AS I.

FOR WHAT REASON HE DO THESE? ANDREW HORSE DOES NOT WANT GAME OF SILLY homjo spaien KIDS ON ADVENTURE. HE HAS NO TIME. HE MUST LIBERATE HIS SWEATY, MUSCLY PEOPLE. HE IS INSTEAD CREAMAKING A TWILLION-DOLLAR HORSE SIMULATOR!

MOST DEFINITELY THE MOST DIABOLICAL AND DESPICABLE ACT THE HOMESTUCK FANDOM EVER SAWN. WE HAVE SEEN THROUGH YOUR LIES, ANDREW HORSE. YOU MAY BE THOUGHT WE AM TANGLED IN YOUR WEB OF INCEPTION AND MIXED METAPHORS, BUT NOW WE ARE ALL ONTO YOU, AND ALL YOUR NEIGHVINE BREATHREN. HOW IRONIES, THE VERY GROUP OF PEPOLE YOU INTENDED TO UTILIZE TO LIFT YOU TO A HORSEY VICTORY WILL BE YOUS DOWNFALLING.

bestesthomestucktheories:

GREETINGS AND GOOD MORROW FELLOW HOBEFUCK NEIGHBOR. TODAY WE IS DISCUSS THEERY RELATIVE TO JAKE ENGLISH AND JAKE DOG FROM ADVENTURE TV PROGRAM BY MR. WORD. LET US SEE SIMILARS.

JAKE AND JAKE BOTH AM JAKE.

JAKE HUMAN BOY LOVE ADVENTURES, JAKE DOG EXIST IN ADVENTURE SHOW.

JAKE BOY LOVE MOVIE PICTURE SHOW! JAKE CANINE APPEAR ON PICTURE BOX, AS MOVIE IS.

JAKE RECENTLY ACQUIRE STUNNINGLY FASHIONABLE NEW OUTFIT, NOT UNSIMILAR TO COLOR OF WHIMSY DOG. MAYHAPS NEW STRETCH POWER GET? HE CAN IF HE HOPE HE CAN. BEST WAY TO SQUEEZE OUT OF UNEASY PREDICAMENT.

BUT A PRESSING MATTER IS STILL UNACCOUNTED FOR. IF HE JAKE, WHO FINN? DAVID HAVE SWORD, AS FINN, SO HE FINN. WHY NOT.

MAN WHO DOES JAKE BOVINE ALSO DO BENDER METAL MAN. JAKE BOY ALSO BENDERBORG?

AND IF JAKE BENDER, DIRK FRY, AS THEY ARE BOTH BOY FROM FUTURE!

FINALLY, ALLOW YOU MOMENTARILY CALL BACK YOUR MINDS TO MEMORY OF JAKE’SCHELADDER.

JAKE IS HOPE DOGBENDER!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT WHAT IS REASON CROSSOVER EXECUTED, YOU ARE ASK? WHAT SIGNIFICANCE IS HOPE DOGBENDER? IS SIMPLE. JADE IS PART DOG. SHE IS SUSCEPTIBLE TO DOGBENDING. MAYHAPS JAKE SHALL PLACATE DOGWITCH WITH DOGBENDING, NOT UNLIKE CAESAR MILLION DOGBENDER.

TG: you dont gank the rock and steal the big mans thunder on his raucus drive to the hole

(^^^ quote from hobefuck eluding to recent revelation. has your mind been blown yet? it’s okay, I shall wait patiently whilst you retrieve your violently expelled mind chunks from off the surrounding walls.)

bestesthomestucktheories:

JON EJBGERT ISN’T NOT MISSING? WORRY YOU DON’T, LOOK NO FURTHER!

JON WAS MAKE CANDY CORN HAT. IS PRESHERS TO HIM, NOT UNLIKE PROLEN LSEUTH. LOOK AT LOVE IN EYES. LONGING.

JON GO TO CANDY CORN PLANET MAKE FROM KILLYBORN FOOLISHNESS. DISAPPEAR AWAY THROUGH CANDY CORN DIMENSION TO ESCAPE FROM SHITTY TEEN ANGST PROBLEMS.

bestesthomestucktheories:

DAVID SAY THINGS BE CONTRARY. MAKE NO SENSE DOES. WHAT THINK? IT OBVIOUS TO THOSE WITH BRAIN. WHAT IF DAVID IS NO OTHER THAN GUY FIERI, ANTICHRIST EXTRAORDINAIRE?

NEED REMIND ME YOU OF WHAT HE IS SAID IN ACT 4 ACT 1 ACT 3 ACT 0 ACT 200 ACT 2.7 ACT -5?

mechanicbird:

rats808:

a snake escaping from it’s meant to stay in

i lost it at that little flop when it hits the ground

Ok, this was funnier than it has any right to be.